As a great way to kick off www.lovebittz.com, we decided to interview the master of love, Cupid.
Lovebittz – Cupid, what is one bit of advice that you can pass on to couples currently in a relationship that may be feeling a bit mundane or ordinary?
Cupid – Well, I can honestly say that it's the small day to day interaction that helps keep partners feelings away from ordinary or mundane. Sincere compliments that come from your heart can mean more to your partner than most anything else. "SINCERE" being the key!!! Words hold more power than what we were told as children (sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me) – HA, what a crock!
Lovebittz – When couples are first hit with your arrow, they seem to be very kind to each other… almost cautious. What advice can you give to new couples that have not experienced this yet?
Cupid - Understanding your partner and what is important to them can really amplify their feelings positively or negatively. Having something said to us in an unkind way can be the first of many blows that create negative feelings. When most people first fall in love or become involved, they tend to watch what they say and be more complimentary. As time passes, the compliments tend to slow to a crawl and we become less cautious of our partners feelings. I would give my loin cloth to hear something nice about me from my love everyday!
Lovebittz – Can you give us an example of what you've seen from some of the most historically loving relationships and marriages?
Cupid – There have been so many truly loving relationships throughout history that it would be impossible to point to just one. But what has withheld the test of time is kindness to one another. Just "bittz" of love each and every day drenched in honesty and sincerity!
Lovebittz – Would you like to contribute thoughts and articles to lovebittz.com to further help the love between couples grow?
Cupid – Hmmm…
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
When is the Best Time to Address Problems?
I truly believe that couples today have lost the ability to know when and how to engage each other concerning issues and problems that may arise. In talking with people who have been married for more than 20 years have learned how to address issues with one another and when NOT to address issues.
For example, if your spouse or significant other is in a very angry state of mind, it is difficult for them to LISTEN rationally. One suggestion is to defuse the situation, giving that person the space and time that they require to cool down and come in to a happier place emotionally. If they attack in an aggressive way with hurtful things – DO NOT attack back! This is one of those times where it’s far better to lose the battle (so to speak) for the sake of the team as a whole. Once your partner is calm and rational once again address any dirty tactics in the heat of anger with them… do not let emotion take over and cause you to become angry. Let them know that what was said was hurtful, degrading, etc. Then continue to address the initial cause of the blow-up / problem.
Attempting to address issues with someone who is fraught with anger will only escalate their anger to rage and can also engulf you into the same pattern and process.
Most couples today stay together in the “passion” phase of the relationship, but fall apart once they hit the “familiar” stage. Causing some to feel complacent and start to take the other for granted. Remember, we tend to fire off at the ones we’re closest to when angry. ALWAYS remember who you are talking with when dealing with your mate… he / she is your LOVER and your best friend – they should not be treated like an enemy!
For example, if your spouse or significant other is in a very angry state of mind, it is difficult for them to LISTEN rationally. One suggestion is to defuse the situation, giving that person the space and time that they require to cool down and come in to a happier place emotionally. If they attack in an aggressive way with hurtful things – DO NOT attack back! This is one of those times where it’s far better to lose the battle (so to speak) for the sake of the team as a whole. Once your partner is calm and rational once again address any dirty tactics in the heat of anger with them… do not let emotion take over and cause you to become angry. Let them know that what was said was hurtful, degrading, etc. Then continue to address the initial cause of the blow-up / problem.
Attempting to address issues with someone who is fraught with anger will only escalate their anger to rage and can also engulf you into the same pattern and process.
Most couples today stay together in the “passion” phase of the relationship, but fall apart once they hit the “familiar” stage. Causing some to feel complacent and start to take the other for granted. Remember, we tend to fire off at the ones we’re closest to when angry. ALWAYS remember who you are talking with when dealing with your mate… he / she is your LOVER and your best friend – they should not be treated like an enemy!
Have You Paid Your Partner Today?
Sincere compliments that come from your heart can mean more to your partner than most anything else. “SINCERE” being the key!!! Words hold more power than what we were told as children (sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me).
Having something said to us derogatory can be the first of many blows that create negative feelings. When most people first fall in love or become involved, they tend to watch what they say and be more complimentary. As time passes, the compliments tend to slow to a crawl and we become less cautious of our partners feelings. Understanding your partner and what is important to them can really amplify their feelings positively or negatively.
Take a challenge and test the theory…
Find 2 or 3 things that you sincerely like about your partner, focus on them and pay that person at least one compliment per day for one week. This alone can ease tensions and create warmth. Keep in mind, these compliments have to be completely sincere and from your deepest beliefs and heart. Anything less will be detected and may fall on deaf ears.
Example –
I find my partner irresistibly beautiful… not just physically but as a person as well. I focus on how much I admire and love that person, as well as how attracted to her I am. I have a catalog of traits, reasons and attributes that I adore about this person (great cook, great Mom, very kind, very generous, takes care of herself and her family, loves my family – get the picture?) Because I believe this in my very soul (and I choose to “focus” on these aspects), I express my feelings to her daily with open expression and sincerity. Again, because I truly believe this, it is expressed in a sincere manner.
Having something said to us derogatory can be the first of many blows that create negative feelings. When most people first fall in love or become involved, they tend to watch what they say and be more complimentary. As time passes, the compliments tend to slow to a crawl and we become less cautious of our partners feelings. Understanding your partner and what is important to them can really amplify their feelings positively or negatively.
Take a challenge and test the theory…
Find 2 or 3 things that you sincerely like about your partner, focus on them and pay that person at least one compliment per day for one week. This alone can ease tensions and create warmth. Keep in mind, these compliments have to be completely sincere and from your deepest beliefs and heart. Anything less will be detected and may fall on deaf ears.
Example –
I find my partner irresistibly beautiful… not just physically but as a person as well. I focus on how much I admire and love that person, as well as how attracted to her I am. I have a catalog of traits, reasons and attributes that I adore about this person (great cook, great Mom, very kind, very generous, takes care of herself and her family, loves my family – get the picture?) Because I believe this in my very soul (and I choose to “focus” on these aspects), I express my feelings to her daily with open expression and sincerity. Again, because I truly believe this, it is expressed in a sincere manner.
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