When is the Best Time to Address Problems?

I truly believe that couples today have lost the ability to know when and how to engage each other concerning issues and problems that may arise. In talking with people who have been married for more than 20 years have learned how to address issues with one another and when NOT to address issues.

For example, if your spouse or significant other is in a very angry state of mind, it is difficult for them to LISTEN rationally. One suggestion is to defuse the situation, giving that person the space and time that they require to cool down and come in to a happier place emotionally. If they attack in an aggressive way with hurtful things – DO NOT attack back! This is one of those times where it’s far better to lose the battle (so to speak) for the sake of the team as a whole. Once your partner is calm and rational once again address any dirty tactics in the heat of anger with them… do not let emotion take over and cause you to become angry. Let them know that what was said was hurtful, degrading, etc. Then continue to address the initial cause of the blow-up / problem.

Attempting to address issues with someone who is fraught with anger will only escalate their anger to rage and can also engulf you into the same pattern and process.

Most couples today stay together in the “passion” phase of the relationship, but fall apart once they hit the “familiar” stage. Causing some to feel complacent and start to take the other for granted. Remember, we tend to fire off at the ones we’re closest to when angry. ALWAYS remember who you are talking with when dealing with your mate… he / she is your LOVER and your best friend – they should not be treated like an enemy!